Fortunately, I am currently in a nurturing and stable relationship with an amazing, caring, and beautiful soul. However, this hasn't always been the case. I've had a few break-ups, and I can tell you from experience that severing the cord was not always easy. Especially if you are a loving and caring person, it can be hard to let go of someone with whom you once shared everything in your life. I always set intentions around my break-ups to cut loose my former lovers in a way that is for the greatest good of the both of us. Once the realization is made that the world is a better place with us apart than together, the work begins to separate ties. This is not always easy, and in this blog, I present some practical methods and specific (free) meditations you can do to help the process...
Separate through separation
The first step is to create a physical separation. This can be hard if you are living together, so one of you moving out will go a long way to begin the process. This will also allow both of you to begin to experience life in a new way -- without the codependence of being together. It is also important to cut ties on social media. How can you separate if jealousy rears its head each time one person sees the other is having fun without them, or comments on every status update to engage you? Even if you want to "just be friends" at a future date, it will greatly help to take a period where you have no contact so that things can "cool off" and then you are free to re-establish contact. Once you are in the clear, you may even see things totally differently and want to not re-establish contact, realizing that your time together is in the past, and the next phase of your lives beckons without each other. Just because you are no longer friends (or even acquaintances) in the future doesn't diminish the lessons and love you've had in the past. The key here though is just that.. it's in the past.
Cutting The Metaphysical Ties
Even after you physically separate, it's likely that some metaphysical bond still remains, especially in the early stages of a breakup. These ties are the threads of karma that still bind us together, formed by our previous intention of being together. Sometimes, I can even close my eyes and witness these metaphysical "cords" connecting me with other individuals. Obviously, if we are trying to "make a break" between ourself and another individual, it is necessary to "cut the cord," whether it be from an ex-lover or an even an ex-business partner. Here are some specific meditations I have used that have helped me cut ties with my exes over the years. Note that, at first, when performing these meditations, if the other person is not on board with cutting ties with you, there may be some initial "blowback" as they subconsciously try to hang on or reattach the metaphysical cables. However, in time, through a firm intention, strong awareness of your own lapses, and practice of these methods, you will inevitably be able to "break free" and metaphysically separate yourself from the other person.
Wahe Guru, Wahe Jio Chant
This is a Kundalini/Sikh meditation that has many purposes, but in this case, it should be performed with the intention of separating from your ex-partner. The chant is simple:
If you don't see the player, Go to the source
Relationship Healing Guided Meditation
Once again, this meditation has multiple purposes. It can be used to heal a relationship or strengthen it. The outcome depends on your intention. When breaking up, it's good to visualize that the breakup is for the best of both of you. It is possible to love someone MORE by letting them go. This may be a hard concept to understand, but unconditional love means that you love a person for their greatest good and the greatest good of the universe, and this may be best served by you being apart, not together. This is a meditation that I personally wrote, and I've used it with success in the past as well. You can purchase it on my site in app form or album form, but here it is below on YouTube totally for free:
If you love a flower, don’t pick it up. Because if you pick it up it dies and it ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be. Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation.”
Psychic Shower Breathwork
This is a meditation by Robin D Bruce. It is a breathwork meditation that you can use to give yourself a "shower" from negative energies that may have clung to you from others. An accumulation of negative energy can be common when going through a nasty breakup or divorce, and this short meditation will help you clear it. To do this meditation, lie on your back in a quiet room and practice the 3-stage breathwork practice as you listen to Robin's soothing voice.
Grieving A Loss and Breathwork
Losing a relationship through a breakup is not totally unlike any other loss, such as a loss of a loved one through death, the loss of a job, the loss of a home, or even the loss of some cherished physical possession. It is natural to go through the 4 stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Depression/Grief, Bargaining, and Acceptance. It is ok to linger in the various stages, but also important to know and understand where you are in the process. In my upcoming album, entitled "Healing Breathwork," I include a track called "Grieving and Celebrating a Loss" which helps you process a loss with the aid of a pranayama breathwork practice. This is another tool that helped me move beyond that first stage of denial and progress through the others until reaching acceptance. This meditation is not yet published, but when it is, I will update this blog. The breath work album is due to be released in early 2019.
Protection through Shamanic Tools
There are physical tools that can be used for protection and clearing, such as protection against a clingy or abusive partner. One common tool that healers use for clearing and cleansing is sage. Smudging is a process where you set an intention around clearing and cleansing, and then burn some sage and move the burning sage around your body through your aura as the smoke bathes you and clears old energies.
Shamans use tobacco for the purpose of energetic clearing, protection, and intention setting. Of course, tobacco is a strong drug and should be used with caution (i.e. do not inhale). However, you may find that acquiring some jungle tobacco (mapacho), or even a good cigar can help you with the process. The steps are as follows:
Watch the Breath
Articles on mindfulness meditation.